Earlier, the Bollywood industry was ruled by actors (at least a major part)who worked hard to get there. But now, things are different.
Celebrities kids have taken over.
They are born with a silver spoon, don’t have to think about anything related to money, food or clothing which is the basic requirement of the rest of the population and much more. But you can’t help but notice one thing common about every star-kid. Every new actor who is now a part of the B-industry has acquired a place, just because their mom or dad or uncle or aunt is (or was) an actor.
Keeping this in mind, we have decoded the guide book which tells the story of every cliched celebrity kid. Right from their birth, they start living their lives which are mentioned in the guide-book. Here are the stages mentioned in the Celebes guide for kids.
1. The birthday
When a star-kid is born, it’s a piece of news. No kidding, right from being born, these kids get the attention of the entire media. From being a new-born baby to bag the title of ‘adorable’ ‘cute’ ‘beautiful’ while they draw their first breath, their journey to nepotism beings real fast.
2. Smiling, shitting, falling – make the news
The second stage arrives as the star-kid starts to age. This stage is all about making the PR string. The strategy includes- first baby steps, the first shit, the first burp, and the long fart- every shitty thing they do, is news for channels.
3. Eating, eating, eating
After a while, when the kid grows and knows that he/she has a baddass rich dad or mom, they take on the challenge to spend it all on eating. From the most expensive to the most junk food, everything is at their disposal. And money, who cares about it? They don’t.
4. Travel, travel, travel
The eating apparently is accompanied by traveling to the most exotic places on earth. yeah, these buggers might not even know how to pronounce the name of their holiday destination, but travel is a must for them.
5. The most expensive schools/college
Now, its all about getting them to study in the most expensive schools that charges two kidneys per semester. But hey, they are star-kids, they don’t give a shit about the fees their parents pay.
6. Become obese
Naturally, after traveling and eating shit loads of food, the next stage is where the star-kid gains weight to the extent that they become obese. But hey, they do it because they want to, otherwise, how will they gain sympathy after the lose it.
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7. Meet a Star influencer/launcher
Then comes the time, when a ray of hope shines in there, ‘oh, so depressed-fat-ass-lives’. A bigass celebrity meets them and says,’Kid, you need to lose weight’. Followed by, I am planning to launch you and ‘You have talent in you’. That makes way for the 10th stage.
8. Loose weight
Of course, the next step is to shed those pounds of fat deposited all over their pig-like body. So, they go to America, get liposuction or just magically transform into sexy figurines that are compared straight with the body of gods and goddess. Voila, the kid is all ready and about to get launch.
9. Gain sympathy to enter the B-town
They then go on to tell stories about how difficult life they had and how much effort they put in to be in the industry. Their story also includes an emotional angle of the depression caused by overweight and how people made fun of them.
10. Secure a place in the industry
After following the 11 steps, the star-kids aren’t kids anymore. They become the new generation stars, who will rule the box office whit their shitty acting and stupid ass movies. But their mission of transforming from a star-kid to a star takes place smoothly.
The cliched star-kid guide does its job ALWAYS!
Pick up any star-kid who is considered as an actor now. From Taimur Ali Khan to Arjun Kapoor, Sara Ali Khan to Sonam Kapoor, Sonakshi Sinha to Pareenti Chopra, you can relate various stages with each of them. Some are still in the middle stages and some of them have successfully followed the guide to stardom.
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But hey, don’t you dare call it nepotism!
After all, they have earned it because they worked so hard right? It’s tough to eat like an ass, getting fat, then making stories about humiliation, working hard to lose the fat and finally gain sympathy because they had such a depressed life.
Hats off, star-kids. You are really an inspiration!
Pssst…I really really really really can’t hold back my laughter anymore!
